thank you for those who are reading this entry.
thank you for trying to listen and understand to my problem.
seriously, today i am feeling a bit sad and demotivated.
of a thing called
i feel like no one is close enough to me.
feeling like no one is there, no sense of belonging.
then i know there must be something wrong with me.
i try to think and analyse myself,
of what makes myself so hard to be approach to be friend with.
i remember it is not that hard during childhood years.
everyone is close to me and feelings like this never exist.
true friendship, for me, is much more easier to find during childhood.
where has it all gone?
it really makes me wonder.
maybe because i'm not that kind of people who love to have fun.
i choose to be quiet because i don't want my words hurt anybody.
and i have lots of problem to be think of.
all my friends are lucky.
all of them have very supportive parents.
a very supportive family.
no things to be worried about family.
well, not me.
i have to be strong myself.
my rise and my fall gives a lot of impacts to my family.
of course this has forced me to be mature before time.
and maybe i'm not that kind of a choice who you can gossip with, shopping with, and sleep over with.
and also not that kind of girl that you would categorize as 'sister' or 'besties'.
i'm really sorry,
but i have many worries to be worried about,
many problems to be solved.
yes, a lot.
and i guess this is what makes me unapproachable.
i do things alone, not because i am not being cooperative enough.
but because i was so used to do things on my own.
sometimes, people said i'm boastful enough.
i'm not perfect if i make you feel annoyed, do tell me.
and so i think the only way to make this feeling better is to not to try to hard.
or is it?
i never know, if you guys don't tell me what's exactly the hidden matters.